A pet peeve? More like a fucking zoo

 

 

Listen up! Another day, another foul mood. I think it's a fucking sign that, oh...life sucks maybe? Nonetheless, they say that anger brings out our real emotions - in this case, more anger. This is a healthy process.

All right. Forget all of that nonsense. Here's a list of things that piss me off:
 

• You ever go on MSN Messenger? You have girls on that? Then you'll know where I'm coming from with this. PLEASE STOP CHANGING YOUR FUCKING NAME TO FUCKING SONG LYRICS! I want to know who the fuck is online, not a transcript of my local radio station. Seriously, stop being a 12-year-old girl (who shouldn't be on the Internet anyway) and fuck off with that nickname bullshit. Yeah you heard me, that's nickname, not name every fucking line. If you're going to torture me, at least spell everything properly. It's a shame that random acts of violence are not contagious.

 

• My neighbors mowing their fucking lawn. Ever notice how it happens EVERY SINGLE DAY, and yet you don't have that many people around? That's fine, mow it on Saturday morning while I'm trying to get some sleep. I'm going to mow it at Midnight Sunday. Booyah, bitch. And you want to know the best part? I don't mind getting woken by your insatiable need to mow the lawn, it's when you hit your water valve. That sickening crunch always makes my day.

Al Qaeda ain't nothin'. These terrorists are local
 

• Chinese fortune cookies. These things are so fucking generic that they can't possibly be right. "You're a strong person, but sometimes you fail." No shit, Sherlock. Or how about that gem "Patience is a virtue"? Tell that to the bastards who check my website 19 times a week to check for an update. Those web logs are really useful. However, much like the cookie "There's an exception to every rule," there's been one cookie that was actually prophetic:

The Chinese promoting masturbation? They should try it sometime
 

• The Weather Network. Did you just say that you know what the weather is going to be like next week? Oh really? You fuckers are always wrong. Sunny for the next 6 days. As soon as I dry off the last bit of rinse water from my car, it turns into a hurricane. I know God hates me, but seriously, I've had enough. You cannot possibly know the weather days from now. This morning, I was tanning in my yard. This afternoon, I was running to Taco Bell and almost fell into a creek on Dundas Street. 10% chance of rain, my ass. High and Low pressure systems? So what? Do I need a coat tomorrow? Fuck.

• Dogs. Yuck. Go trade them in for a cat. Better yet, trade them in for a clue. Dogs. Yuck.
   
• When your mom calls you when you're having anal sex. That right there is the ultimate buzzkiller. The only time it gets worse is when she calls you...from the next room.
   
• Poor spelling. What year is this? 1994? Yes. USE YOUR DAMN SPELLCHECKER. There's no excuse for books, newspapers, magazines, websites, or anything else to have spelling errors in them. Where are the editors? They must be at home ODing on retard pills.
   
• Non-religious people who have nothing better to do than make fun of religious people. Hey! I'm just kidding. I do it all the time, it feels great.
   
• Girls with "types." "Oh, you're not my type." What the fuck? You're missing out, bitch. Sorry, my Ferrari is at the mechanic's.
   
• You're at a party. One of your friends has a little too much to drink. You babysit him to make sure he's OK. How does he repay you? By puking all over your car door. Thanks, asshole.

Don't worry, next time you'll be puking with the door driving away

 

I think I could go on all day with things that piss me off. Which reminds me, being harassed to write new articles pisses me off too. Grr.